Minerals A Science Report
by Yankee Hotel
Summary: Meh, another science report , from me, Jimmee. No complaining, I know I need to write stuff other than 1. Hitchhikers guide and 2. School stuff. I'm working on it. In the mean time, here's this.


Another science report. Lovely, I know. I had to use certain words... and I didn't use one.

Oh well, I think I did pretty good.

Disclaimer: Douglas Adams is the overlord of everything ever. To not worship me, I'm just a poseur.

* * *

Arthur almost tripped and killed himself. What with the giant cliff and the distraction of a wasp, it was a highly probable event. He wondered why he was even on this cliff, Ford's job really didn't have anything to do with himself, much less his life. So, why was he on the top of this cliff risking it? 

He realized this was getting him nowhere and asked.

"Why am I here?" Arthur asked, to anyone listening.

No answer.

"Hello? Ford?" Arthur started to panic a bit.

"Hello? Yes? You were talking to me?" He poked his head out of a hole Arthur didn't know was there.

"There's someone else here?"

"No, but I thought maybe you were talking to yourself... you're one to do that, you know."

"Will you answer my question?"

"What was it?"

"Why am I here?"

"Oh. Uh... I'm not sure. Why are you here?"

Arthur blinked. He wasn't prepared for that answer.

"Uh..."

"You're here because I'd get lonely if you weren't." Ford said this, so Arthur would stop looking like Arthur. It didn't work.

"Don't you have other friends?"

"Arthur, I want you to shut up."

"Yeah, but-"

"And the time I want you to shut up," said Ford, "Is now."

"Alright, that's it. I'm bored. What are you doing?" Arthur, about 5 minutes later said.

Ford regret he ever said anything to this guy and said "I'm digging. Does it look like something else?"

"Why are you digging?" A typical question for Arthur: Why?

Ford sighed "Quartz." he said, simply.

"Quartz?"

"Quartz."

"... Why quartz?"

"... because talc is too soft."

"Why not a diamond? Those are the hardest mineral on-"

"I know, I know. I researched, it's my job."

"... then why do you want quartz?"

"... Will you kindly shut up, please?"

"But you didn't-"

"Lalalala! LAA!"

And so 5 minutes later Arthur was bored again, so he hummed. The humming turned into singing.

"We all live in a yellow submarine... yellow submarine... yellow submarine...We all" Oh, you know the song.

Well, Arthur only happened to know the chorus... and after a while that annoyed Ford.

"Shut. Up." He poked his head out of the hole.

"Sub- huh?"

"Shut up." He repeated.

"Um... what was it you were doing again?"

Ford was very irritated. He got up out of the hole and looked Arthur straight in the face.

"I'm. Trying. To. See. How. To. Classify. These. Minerals. Is that okay with you?"

"Those are minerals?"

"... Yes. Lots of things are minerals."

"Wait... how do you classify a mineral!"

"Well, that's what I'm trying to figure out."

"Wait, I think I remember something about this... erm... Ah! Sometimes, they classify them by hardness!"

"... And what scale do they use for that?"

"... Uuh..." Arthur said, intelligently.

"The Moh's Scale." Arthur and Ford whirled around. Well, Ford really just looked behind Arthur, but if he had been facing the other way, he would have whirled around.

Arthur pointed to the person who answered their question.

"I didn't know you were here."

"I just got here." said Zaphod.

"Wait, how come you know that and-"

"Who cares? Ford, whatcha doin'?"

Ford twitched. "Classifying minerals."

"Ah, did you get luster?"

"Eh?" said Arthur and Ford, in unison.

"The way the light hits it. Um... just how it shines. I.E. pearly, dull, shiny."

"Ah," said Ford, "That makes sense."

"Did you figure out streak?"

"Eh?" Said Arthur. Ford knew better this time.

"Holy Zark, you guys. Streak – the color of the dust! Scratch it on porcelain."

"We don't have any of that." Ford said.

"Then just scratch it on something, it will leave dust. Did you think of color?"

"Eh?" Arthur was just used to it now. "Oh, wait, yeah."

"That one's a bit of a given" Said Ford.

"Ah! You don't have cleavage or fracture!"

"Well, I don't know what fracture is... and we are males so we don't-"

"Shut up Arthur. It's the rock that has that." Zaphod prevented Arthur from embarrassing himself.

"Well... how do you know if it's male-"

"Shut. Up. Now. Fracture and streak are the way the rock breaks. It has cleavage if it's smooth and fracture if it's rough. That one is important."

"... would you mind typing that out for me?" Asked Ford, somewhat innocently.

"For your job?" Ford nodded. "Yeah... fine..."

* * *

Lovely, I know. Feedback would be nice, because it's a science report and I'm turning it in. 


End file.
